How to ACTUALLY Talk to Anyone (Using a Simple Framework)
Let me take a guess…
You find it hard and uncomfortable to speak to strangers.
You find someone you want to connect with, but you don’t know what to say.
You start overthinking, and your anxiety starts to rise. The more you wait, the more you start to stress, and it becomes harder to approach by the second.
To make that painful anxiety go away, you make an excuse for why you can’t talk to that person.
“She doesn’t want to talk right now.”
“I don’t want to bother him.”
And finally, you don’t speak to that person.
So, you don’t know:
- What to say
- How to get over your fear
- How to appear charismatic (and not be awkward)
You can find endless articles with solutions to your problem, but they fail to work for one reason.
They are not actionable or applicable.
My goal with this guide is to:
- Provide the necessary (no BS) knowledge.
- Make you take action (without overthinking).
I researched this topic and tried all the techniques.
I gathered the best tactics and made a step-by-step framework you can use to talk to anybody.
(If you want to skip to the actionable part, scroll down to the end of the article.)
Things You Need to Know (to Talk to Anyone)
Here, I present all the things you need to know to speak to anyone without overthinking.
Most Important (Mindset)
The most important step towards being able to speak to anyone is to develop the correct mindset.
To speak to anyone without fear or overthinking is not easy.
To reach that point, you need to approach strangers consistently.
You need to fail, get rejected, and be awkward.
It’s through those painful interactions that you learn and develop your skills. Long-term, those approaches will compound, and talking to strangers will feel comfortable.
And, even if you are completely awkward, you and the other person will feel better. We are social creatures, and we like to socialize (it’s part of our nature).
(Plus, everybody only cares about themselves, so they will forget you in 10 seconds.)
How to Reduce and Overcome Stress
You won’t be able to get rid of all your stress with some ‘hacks’.
But you can decrease it with simple tactics so that you can overcome approach anxiety.
The way to feel more relaxed is to be present. Because if you are present, you are not thinking about yourself (and you don’t overthink).
How to become more present during the approach:
- Take a deep breath through your nose into your belly.
- Instead of thinking about yourself, be genuinely interested in the other person.
How to appear charismatic (while being stressed)
80% of our first impressions of somebody come from their body language and voice tone.
So what you say is not important. What’s important is how you say it.
To appear charismatic, you need to reflect confidence and friendliness through your body language.
- Have the correct posture
- Make eye contact
- Smile
What Should I Say? (without overthinking)
The most feared part of talking to strangers.
The infamous ‘What should I say?’ problem.
Don’t worry; this is the easiest part of the whole thing.
The best technique for speaking to strangers is…
Be curious about the other person, and say what is on your mind.
That’s it; you don’t have to overcomplicate it (remember, what you say is not important).
But, if you want a more direct answer,
You have five ways to start a conversation (other than by introducing yourself):
- Use your surroundings (Wow, this view is beautiful, isn’t it?)
- Ask for information (Can you tell me where the train station is?)
- Ask for an opinion (What is the best restaurant around here?)
- Praise them (I love your outfit! How did you develop this style?)
- Offer or ask for help (Can you spot me on the bench press?)
How to Make the Conversation Pleasant
After approaching, and initiating the talk, your only job is to make the conversation pleasant for both you and your partner.
4 things to make the conversation excellent:
- Be genuinely interested in the other people.
- Listen more than you talk.
- Look for common things between your conversation partner, and talk about that
- Pay attention to non-verbal or verbal cues. If the person doesn’t want to talk to you, then say goodbye and walk away, and don’t take it personally.
Crucial Mistakes to Avoid
As I said earlier, you can (and will) make a lot of mistakes, but that’s good.
But there are crucial mistakes you should not make:
- Don’t assume others’ values (morality, justice, politics, religion)
- Don’t speak about controversial topics (mainly politics)
- Don’t gossip or complain (it makes an awful impression)
- Don’t ask direct questions immediately. (What’s your biggest regret in life?)
Actionable Steps (Try it out now!)
This is a three-part mental framework (S-A-S) you can use when you want to talk to strangers.
(After reading this, go out in 24 hours and speak to one stranger using this framework.)
See
- You see the person you want to talk to, and you immediately take a deep belly breath.
- Accept that rejection, awkwardness, and failure are possibilities.
Approach
- Start walking towards that person.
- When walking towards the person, smile, make eye contact, and have a good posture.
Speak
- When you are with the person, say what comes to mind about that person.
- If you have nothing to say, try IHOPS (ask for information, help, opinion, praise, and surroundings).
That’s it!
This advice may seem trivial, but a lot of people overcomplicate it.
Just get out, and be authentic.
I hope you enjoyed it and found it valuable!
Benedek
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